"Yeah."

"And your gay cousin found the sixth."

"Yeah."

"And you got them by trading nuts with your grandfather."

"That's about the size of it, yeah."

~My sister & Me~

 

"It's the sheep...The sheep lie. They LIE I tell you!"

~Kim~

 

"If life gives you lemons, squeeze the juice into a squirt gun and shoot other people in the eyes"

~Me~

 

"Stick of pain Lamont! STICK OF PAIN!!"

~Al Bruno III~

 

"So help me, I'm going to beat your skull until candy comes out."

~Al Bruno III~

 

"My love for you is like diarhea, I just can't keep it in."

~Kim, being sentimental~

 

"I used to think every day I didn't wake up and gargle a few rounds from a revolver was a victory, but little 'Golden Moments' like this force me to wonder, a victory for who?"

~Davan, from Something Positive~

 

"Huzzah!"

"What does that mean?"

"I don't know...Huzzah!"

"Huzzah!"

~Pedro & Me~

 

"Darkness!"

~Mark~

 

::loko spuzzled::

~Kim~

 

"If only you knew about the fascist dictatorship in my stomach...that half-an-eggroll I had before, that was Hitler...::picks up chicken finger dripping with Sweet & Sour Sauce:: this is Stalin...Eisenhower and Churchill will show up later..."

~Sean, waxing philisophical~

 

"If an Assamite says duck, then duck."

~Not sure, but it's good advice~

 

"Beware of people LARPing, they may be Malkavians, better stake them just to be sure."

~Not sure~

(Note: if you don't know what Assamites, Malkavians or LARPing is, you don't belong here)

 

"Well, this was a well thought out plan."

~Me, whenever my friend's brilliant plans blows up in their faces~

 

"Nah man, quotes gotta come natural"

::farts, loudly::

"How was that for natural?"

"That was pretty natural...crack a window."

~Me, Jay, and Armand~

 

"Come out Autobot, we all have to die sometime!"

~Galvatron, trying to reasonably coax Hot Rod out for a pummeling in the Transformers movie~

 

"I've never seen anything this beautiful in the entire galaxy...alright, hand me the bomb."

~Ultra Magnus, one of the best Transformers lines ever~

 

"My social is low, I think I need a hug."

~Heather, after ODing on The Sims~

 

"Being alive is the frosting on the undead cake of livingness"

~Paula~

 

"It doesn't matter what I'm packin in my denim, it's what's in my genes, see the only smoked meat, the only sausage I would eat is made my Jimmy Dean, no I'm not too keen on the smell of vaseline, no I'm not Princess Di and I don't wanna be a queen, I just wish I was queer so I could get chicks."

~Bloodhound Gang, "I wish I was queer so I could get chicks"~

 

"I wanna be a pirate! A Zombie Pirate!"

~Duke, from Game Revolution~

 

"AH! ZOMBIE HICKEY!"

~Me, upon first seeing a zombie in Resident Evil~

 

"The pen is mightier than the sword...and considerably easier to write with."

~Marty Feldman...I think~

 

"I can't think, my brain is in low-res right now."

~Paula~

 

"I hope she has an antidote for face stabbin', cuz when we get back, her face is so stabbed!"

~Black Mage, from 8-bit Theatre~

 

"Alright, now, say it, say it...c'mon man say it, who's you daddy...HEY! You stabbed me in the eye!"

~Me, being shown up in Soul Calibur~

 

"Well, have you found it yet?"

"Not yet, this gun has 500 buttons and 499 of them are blow the shit out of something..."

~Mynd and Mike, from Bob And George~

 

"You are such a worthless minion."

~Mynd~

 

"Whassup Nig Nog?"

~Armand, being PC~

 

"I HAVE A VAGINA!"

~Billy Resendes...being himself~

 

"uhm, yeah, sure..."

~Me, after being yelled at in foreign languages~

 

"WORSHIP ME MORTAL! FOR I AM THE BURGER KING!"

~Me~

 

"Must we do this every time we go out?"

~Tara, in response to my claim of royalty~

 

"I am Natalie, the nipple queen! Now bend over and show me your cleavage!"

~Natalie, being, well, Natalie~

 

"What's the damage for using a horse as a melee weapon?"

~Pedro~

 

"I can feel their stares on my ass.

And it tickles."

~Tara~

 

"Where are you going?"

"Out."

"When will you be back?"

"Later."

~My mom and me~

 

"God is your co-pilot

I let Satan ride shotgun

You pay a toll to get into heaven

But on the road to hell there's none."

~Bloodhound Gang, "Asleep at the Wheel"~

 

"And sticking feathers up your ass does not make you a chicken."

~Fight Club~

 

"Toss me."

"What?"

"Toss me! I cannot make the jump on my own!"

"Alright."

"Wait, don't tell the elf."

"Not a word."

~Gimli and Aragorn~

 

"Don't go knocking on death's door.

Ring his doorbell and run, he hates that."

~Not sure~

 

"Called shot to the nuts!"

~Me~

 

"You can take the shot, but your narcolepsy flaw kicks in and you fall asleep. Roll at a -8."

"Crit."

"Dammit!"

~not sure~

 

"Careful you idiot, I said across her nose, not up it!"

~Spaceballs~

 

"Remind me again why I love my job, I keep forgetting."

~Me, after falling face first into a 4 foot deep puddle at work~

 

"Day's never finished, Massa got me workin'. Some day massa set me free!"

~Me, again, at work~

 

"Dreaming permits each and every one of us to be quietly and safely insane every night of our lives."

~William Dement~

 

"Losing one parent can be looked upon as a tragedy. Losing both is just plain carelessness."

~Oscar Wilde~

 

"Hey man, don't die out there!"

"Why, so you can hit me some more?"

"Yeah, lots more!!"

~Wakka and Luzzu~

 

::eats his brains::

"Agh! My brain! Babble and Drool!!"

~Natalie and Me~

 

"HOBBIT RAGE!"

~some discussion gone awry on the Kenzerco webboards~

 

"I am not infantile, you stink-butt poopy head!"

~Me~

 

"Don't. I swear man, I'm warning you!"

::snicker, snicker::

"I swear it! I'll hurt you! Don't do it!"

"Do What?"

"Damn you Allison!"

"Goodness Gracious, Great Balls of Fire!"

~PePe Dave, Me, and my sister...don't ask~

 

"Nope, I'm not gonna say it, no no, I'm not gonna say it!"

"Say what?"

"Damn you Jaime!"

~PePe Dave and Jaime, discussing meat fights. Again, don't ask.~

 

"If my life were a video game, level one would be friends, level 3 would be lovers, and level two is the one where the giant octopus keeps killing me."

~My Kenzerco buddy, MrThou~

 

"What I actually sounded like was an angry bull elephant dragging a volkswagen down the hall."

~another Kenzerco Buddy, CrazeyAl~

 

"Stress is waking up screaming, then realizing you never fell asleep."

~Kim~

 

"Never run from an immortal...it just gets their attention."

~Kim~

 

"And they were all sold out of the foot. THE FOOT!!"

~Me, trust me, you don't wanna know~

 

"I put my gun away and duck back down into the washing machine, pulling the door shut, hoping he didn't notice."

~Allison~

 

"She lost her right ass cheek, and now her left boob's been blown off."

"NO! Don't do it!"

"Damn, I wanted to play with it, wear it on my head. Look! I'm Jewish!"

~Me, Allison, and Mark~

 

"Luke, I am the voice in your...AH! She bit me!"

~Jaime~

 

"My friend's homeroom is a science class, and the teacher was nice enough to leave a jar of dead kittens lying around. My friend picked it up and shook it."

~Jeff~

 

"Sorry, I can't find a bag of babies on such short notice. Next week may be different though."

~Me...don't ask~

 

"I'm pretty sure he knows I'm here, I just pranced in singing 'I'm a little teapot', ripped his door off the hinges and got shot by his minigun."

~Jaime's concept of stealth~

 

"Fuzzy Wuzzy was a bear, Fuzzy Wuzzy had no hair, cuz I burnt it all off."

~Jeff~

 

"The wall wants to make sweet passionate love to you."

~Ben~

 

"How can you live with yourself in the morning after you've done it with a cat?"

~Jeff~

 

"Thank you Captain Obvious, now become Captain Underpants and I will be amused."

~Jade~

 

"He pissed in the guy's mouth!"

"Hey, I didn't like the guy in the first place."

~Jeff and Ben~

 

"Woo! Touch me!"

~Ben (I wasn't there for this, don't ask me)~

 

"Any guy fencing in a g-string is just wrong."

~Allison~

 

"It doesn't fit into any of the holes!"

"Sounds like a personal problem."

~Goph and Me~

 

::BELCH::

"That was dead sexy."

"You didn't see me scratch myself too, we're talkin' Fabio here."

~Jaime and Me~

 

"Well, I'm off to find my head!"

~Liza~

 

"Here's a pencil, there's her trachia, have fun."

~Mark~

 

"If you smell meat, don't worry, it's me."

~Jaime~

 

"You're not dead! High Five!"

"EEE Don't touch me!"

"Is that blood?"

"Well, lesse, it looks like blood, it smells like blood, it must be..."

"KETCHUP!"

"YES!! KETCHUP!!"

~Ally, Jaime, and Me~

 

"I swear to god I'll give you a character level if you break Mark's balls."

~Jaime~

 

::BELCH::

"Oh, smells like Ziti."

~Mark~

 

"HAAGEN DAAZ!!!"

~Mark~

 

"Ahh! My Petunias!"

~Scott~

 

"Cory, you'd better start paying attention, cuz Scott's talking to a tree."

"Is that tree talking shit about me?"

~Me and Cory~

 

"It's small like a potato, it looks like a potato, but it's not a potato."

~Cory, discussing his Ocarina~

 

"Do eskimos wear pants?"

~Jeff~

 

"For the sake of my sanity, I'm not gonna ask how you guys get there, becau--"

"POGO STICK!"

"See?"

~Me and Scott~

 

::high pitched squeak, ptwang, belch::

~Allison, upon seeing her "boyfriend?" all dressed up~

 

"Stop him, he needs to be prettied up!"

~Me, trying to get people to stop Cory, so he could get his hair styled~

 

"It smells like a school."

"What would you expect a school to smell like?"

"My school smells like wood shards."

"Yeah, and this one smells like a school."

"I know, it's just wrong."

~Mark and Me~

 

"My, she's bubbly."

~Me~

 

"Well, this is really going to hurt."

~Me, shortly before being pelted by falling cans of soup~

 

"Yeah. That really hurt. Can someone remove this can of chicken broth from my lower back?"

~Me, shortly after being pelted by falling cans of soup~

 

"Nah, Scott's more like a koi...big, white and expensive."

~Jade~

 

(as Fatman) "So, what do you bring to the table?"

(as Natalia) "I look around for a while, then punch Raab in the nuts."

(Stutter) "Uh, sure, roll to hit."

~Me and Allison~

 

"Raab's testicle retrieval surgery went well by the way."

"I still maintain he punched himself in the balls."

~Jade and Me~

 

"She's our Healer, she heals us...EXCEPT FOR HIM, WHO SHE TOTALLY NEGLECTED!"

~Mike~

 

"It's sad that the closest thing to a recurring villian you guys have is evil pudding."

~Derek~

 

"Ah Ha Child! Your dodgeball is no match for my longsword! Stahahab!"

~Mike again~

 

"You have Telekenesis?"

"Eh, it comes and goes."

~Me and Chris~

 

"You will be the new superheroes in this beleagured little town, what do you say?"

"Are there retirement benefits?"

~Me and Adam~

 

"Quick, destroy that thing before it kills us all!"

"But we still haven't dicussed Dental!"

"Hon, we'll talk about it later, assuming we still have teeth!"

~Me, Ally, and Liza~

 

"Oh, c'mon, this is going to be the most fair fight you'll get all night, your blinded and fighting an invisible lion, no real disadvantage there!"

~Mike~

 

"C4? C4 is the greatest play-doh you'll ever find, you mold it into whatever shape you want, attach a detonator, and when enough electrical current goes through, KA-FUCKIN'-BOOM!"

~Derek~

 

"You know, when someone's intestines are hanging out like that, they usually scream."

~Me~

 

::fuming:: "When I become an archmage you are SO dead!"

~Me again~

 

"If I touch the waitress, will I steal her power too? And if so, what will I get, a raging sex drive?"

~Allison~

 

"Time flies when your getting eviscerated."

"So do entrails apparently."

~Me and Derek~

 

"The evil pudding hovers menacingly!"

~Derek~

 

"He's asking too many questions! What do I do?!"

"Uhh, punch him!!"

~Liza and Adam~

 

"Can I tinkle in the water elemental?"

"Uh, sure, but he's not gonna like it."

~Allison and Me~

 

"How far can I throw my mongoose?"

~Scott~

 

"You leave my balsa wood holy symbol alone!"

~Me~

 

"Hmm, I'm going to throw...her!"

"Hey! I'm not a ranged weapon!"

~Liza and Ally~

 

"You pantsed him and took away his powers?"

~Cory~

 

::while choking on a candy cane::

"I'm special!"

~Cory~

 

"Call it adoption, call it inscest, call it anything out want, but at the end of the day, your still screwin' your sister."

~Ally~

 

"Geek trip: code for two hour trip to Burger King."

~MJ~

 

"A better way to Biopsy"

"I'm getting the hell out of here."

~Scott & Me~

 

"Well, we've got chunks of Antediluvian stuck in our lint trap, so I think we're doing pretty good."

~Ally~

 

"I swear to god, there's some kind of Mass Ritual Skunk suicide going on. It's like they're taking a cue from their dumber cousin, the lemming."

~Me~

 

"Good god man, put some pants on!"

~Me, long story~

 

"Cory's got an Ewok village in his chest."

~Me~

 

"FART LIKE AN EWOK!"

"oooteenee!"

~Cory and Me~

 

"Oh, lung flower."

~Cory~

 

"How can anyone be that skinny? She looks fragile. Stiff breeze hits her, bang, dead."

~Me~

 

"Joss Whedon is a whore, a dirty dirty whore."

~Me, after seeing Serenity, don't ask~

 

"Because the earth bends."

~Xander~

 

"God says no."

~Me~